The First: House Hunt In Brisbane

I had stopped dead in my tracks in Brisbane.It was the end of the road for the people I had been travelling with and I was running low on cash. It just made sense to stay where I was for the time being. Besides – It looked like a perfect place to start. Not too intimidating and I could see myself getting on fine.

I was living out of a hostel for the past 10 days and had been keeping an eye out for a place to rent. I had found a cool little site that was easy to navigate,gave you all the information you need and more importantly – preference options for potential house mates. It’s a terrible thing discarding people based on your own personal preference,and you find yourself being more picky than need be.However when you have the power to do so it’s highly probable – that is what you’ll do.

So a few contacts fell through and my search stretched out to the suburbs. It was then I got a personal message.

Corina – A model and fitness instructor and her equally as appealing house mate.

As you can imagine – that caught my eye.

After some networking,involving some flirty txts,aswell as the usual motions of trying to rent a place, I ended up heading out to look at the room. The first thing that struck me was the fair distance it was outside the City. You’re talking an hour on the bus  on a busy day.Also there wasn’t much around bar a big shopping centre. I guess if it went well i could work there.

I found the place easy enough but had realised I was to far outside the action to truly be interested. As I was nearing the door,the electric gate swing open and I was greeted by a bubbly blonde,sporting little hot pants,a vest top and a pair of aviators. She ran up and wrapped her arms round me like we were long-lost friends. The house was awesome. She gave me the tour as we chatted light heartedly.She proudly showed me an instruction manual for a running machine,with little pictures of her demonstrating the equipment.

“Would you like a coffee and a cigarette?”  She asked.

‘Yeh awesome – just black” I said.

“Good shit – There is never milk in this house anyway”

We sat out in the back garden basking in the sun,chatting about nonsense. I had been there around an hour when her mobile rang.On the other end seemed to be her housemate,checking to see if I had arrived and left yet. Corina was high as a kite as she had been working all week and was enjoying her day off. She kept laughing down the phone. I wasn’t sure if they were talking about me or not but I got the impression I was the butt of some sort of joke.

After the call we carried on chatting when no more than a couple of minutes later the phone rang again. I heard more of the same. No stress.

It was after that call that she started going on about past relationships,talking about how much she wanted to party and was “through” with men. We had another coffee and carried on enjoying the sun.The phone rang again a couple of times but she left it to vibrate across the table. Gradually her behaviour started to change. She became a bit tense and agitated and I couldn’t figure out why. The phone rang again but this time she went inside to take the call. A few minutes later she came back.Her behaviour was completely different and she looked pretty uncomfortable now. She lay the phone down. It started to ring over and over again.

“Soooooo………………Who’s on the phone Corina? Anything you want to talk about?” I asked.

She turned red and embarrassed,looking increasingly uncomfortable. She then confessed that it was a her boyfriend who is a bit unstable and apparently was not too happy I was there.

I suggested she just tell him I was looking at a room! Which I was (That’s my defense and i’m sticing to it!). She said she had already but he was sure we were shagging. I laughed uncomfortably not really believing what I was hearing. Either he was a jealous sociopath or she was a total whore. I was beginning to not like the sound of either.

Again – the phone rang. This time she answered it,calmly trying to explain the situation to him. She went onto to tell me that he has just came back from the Army and that she was worried he might come round.


Ok was about as far as my thought process took me as by the time I had finished that particular word in my head,a rather huge,scary looking guy looking like he just got off the set of Apocalypse Now, came storming into the house and stared a hole straight through me. He was covered in tattoos and looked as rough as you like.

“I think it’s time you leave!!” he said.

I bravely piped up with “Mate…..(don’t call someone who hates you that by the way) I’m only looking to rent a room here. I’m not sure what’s going on but……..”

I was interrupted as he grabbed my coffee cup,slamming it on the table behind him.

“I think…’s time…….for you to LEAVE………..MATE!”

So right about then I was fairly shitting myself. But at the same time i was also worried for Corina. They embarked on a shouting frenzy. He called her a whore saying she fucks anyone that rolls in off the street.To be fair. She did look the sort. I started to clean my sunglasses,quietly to myself in the corner,like a child giving some pens and a colouring book to play with,whilst the adults have “grown up talk”.

Corina told me to stay where I was. I wanted to leave but felt I’d end up giving a statement soon. Eventually they broke things off and the army guy stormed out.I luckily avoided my fragile nose being rearranged.

Corina was very ashamed and embarrassed but I somehow felt I was a ploy in all of this. Or i was on some secret camera show.I should have one an Oscar for best supporting foreigner.

All of a sudden there was a rev of an engine outside. Action man was gearing up to drive through the electric gate! He reversed back and i honestly thought he was going to do it.

She threatened to call the police.Thankfully he had second thoughts and before driving off told me to “Watch my fucking back!”


Corina asked if I still wanted the room.

She also warned that he would probably be looking for me at the bus station. Great.

I thanked her for the coffee in the most sarcastic of manners I could muster and left.

It was a rather long wait for the bus that day.I kept nervously looking over my shoulder,like i was gearing up for a terror attack.But i made it home safe and sound and had a story to tell in the hostel that evening.

Needless to say I didn’t take the place. I politely declined.And i didn’t hear from Corina again.

Welcome to Brisbane I thought. It’s going to be a fun year.


About Darren Crocker

Thirty one year old Support Worker from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

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