FOR ALL THE COWS – Worrying Trends

Well folks it is now offiicial. I’m moving to Germany. I made a promise to myself when i came back that I would keep the ball in motion  and shockingly to myself – i kept to my word. A lot of great things came from being away and I’m eager to add to that. Although Germany wasn’t in my plans it is in no way stopping my progression. Who knows what is waiting round the corner for me. That only adds to the adventure. I’ll be having a few leaving drinks (yes I know my 14th leaving night) so I will keep you posted. Fuck it. I have nothing to lose and only experience to gain.

I’ve been fairly busy as of late with my English teaching course and my attempts to learn German. Both are pretty tough going for a guy who hasnt done any form of studying since leaving school. I am enjoying the challenge. However there is only so much you can learn by staring into a book. Learning a language is something you need to put into practise. I pick up things quickly so im banking on being competent enough by christmas time.I at least want to know if I’ve been called an ‘arsehole’ by Petra for being sick in her hand bag. I’m keen. Which is more than i can say a couple of years ago. I no longer need an escape. I need to progress as a person. And if I can have both? Fucking yaldy.

Worrying trends as of late:


Sleeping over the duvet;


A while ago i went through a period of waking up in the middle of the night and flipping out.Nothing new,however when the gentle hug of a double duvet becomes a strangle hold on your semi conscience its time to ditch insolation and replace it with a cold draft.I just feel like im being bear hugged by sweaty scrotum.So iv’e now opted to sleeping on top of the cover instead of under. A small price to pay for losing my mind every evening. I also have 6 pillows on my bed (a ludicrous amount).I start the evening with the full whack and end up with two. I worry about the attack on my body and mind whilst i sleep.And i worry that my bed may get replaced with a padded cell.Just another chapter in the ‘battle of the slumber’. I just want to make peace.

Beds are for making love – not war.

Ups and downs;

With only a few weeks left until i move to Germany my mind is on over drive,much like it was before i left for China. I want too and im ready to go. That’s not the problem. However the scales of my psyche aren’t the best balanced at times. It doesn’t take much for me to be extremely happy and on the flip side it takes even less to be frustrated and annoyed. A couple of weeks back I had a good night out. Perfectly happy. On the way home it started to piss down. I had no cigarettes left. I was quite boozy and suddenly i hated Aberdeen. I walked past STA Travel and stared in the window,reminiscing  of the day I booked my trip. I’m pretty emotional at the best of times but when im feeling down I can feel a bit sorry for myself. A shite cheeseburger from the Tastie Tattie and a phone call to Petra later and I was highly frustrated.It’s a gradual build up and it has to come out at some point.I need an out let.Every month or so it happens. On the other hand I can feel on top of the world seeing  someone getting shit on by a seagull or a sunny day.Nothing too worrying I guess.We are all the same in very different ways. Looking back on it –  i’d have been a lot happier with chips.

Listening to Ellie Goulding far to much.


She is ok – what more can I say?She has a shelf  life on my iPod of around twenty minutes but she is nestled in my ‘catchy tune’ bank for now. I was never consistent or patient enough to learn the drums properly. Lately i have envisioned becoming good enough to play for some pop princess. Easy. On the road,play a few gigs,get pissed and watch her get changed. Perfect.

Feeling a huge void in my life without the world cup.


It wasn’t amazing was it? Lets be honest. But it didn’t stop me from having a good time. Enigma was my bar of choice as it was for many others. Big beer garden,reasonable prices and huge telly (although the glare of the sun was annoying).But lets not complain about the sun. We we’re blessed with beautiful sunshine for the big games and I had a blast there. The England v Germany game was insane. The place was packed.We had great seats outside and the atmosphere was great. Pity it’s not like that all year round. Roll on the new season. The golf was a mellow substitute and made going ‘cold turkey’ a bit easier but now that’s past im stuck with Jamie Oliver’s fat mouth and a dated shooting stars come back. Nip on new season. I’m ready for you (Albeit with Rangers fielding 6 players come kick off).

Getting hammered and thinking ‘getting low’ is a great idea.



Getting low at anytime is a terrible idea. Laying low is a terrific idea. And I  do make a conscious effort to not dance like a beached dolpin.Needless to say it doesn’t always work out like that.One pint too many will send me into a flurry of embarrassing activity, ranging from exercise routines,army assault courses and dance off’s.Relight my fire? Sure. Reach for the sky? Why not i say. Bring sexy back? Certainly not but worryingly i do believe this. Working 9 to 5? Usually the case after a night out.

It has to stop.

Go fuck yourself pineapple dance studio.

Stressing out about work (really isn’t worth it.)



I put a lot of my energy into work. I love and care for the place (it is my family business). But im exhausted and lost all patience with it, after only being back a matter of months. Time to move on (yet again!). With the English teaching course in motion im hoping the future will bring a well overdue change for myself. Making cups of tea the rest of my life? No thanks. I’d rather get low or at least get high. Anything to ‘cloud’ my poor judgement of coming back – yet again. Heart versus head? Usually the heart. Sanity versus wages? I have little of either.

Growing ginger beards.

On my travels it was the perfect time to see how far i could go with a chin full of fluffy shite. Turns out quite far. I hate being clean-shaven but im also not that keen of having a crimson forest growing on my face. Recently i have went for the happy medium,purchasing a pair of clippers to leave me with a bit of stubble.However with a full face of hair it does leave me looking like ive had one too many slices of cheesecake.

Hmm….

Saying ‘cheesecake’ far too often.

So folks i will keep you posted. As of now it’s just a matter of running down the clock and making sure i say BANK! before the buzzer.See you on the dancefloor.

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About Darren Crocker

Twenty nine year old from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

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