FOR ALL THE COWS – Merlin the wonder dog.


A Scottish man was stopped on the way home,on a Brisbane bus today – for standing in ‘the red zone’.
The incident happened at approximately 11pm, Queensland time and ended in dramatic style, as the man in question pulled a ‘hissy fit’ after exiting the bus.

According to sources the man was merely waiting to get off the bus, when the rotund,blonde,whore bag rudely (and unnecessarily) took out his right headphone and proceeded to talk down to him like he was a junkie on the way to the medical centre.
This is the latest of many incidents that have plagued the man in question, on recent bus journeys, to and from the city and Tarragindi.

We managed to catch up with the ‘Angry Scotsman’ and he had this to say…..

“I don’t know what i have done wrong to the bus drivers in Brisbane. Maybe my accent, my orderly fashion and the fact i live in the city may all contribute to the offense i cause. I was merely standing to get off a half empty bus,when i was rudely ushered back a few steps by the driver. But i guess she was only trying to help. Who knows what body organ i could of trapped in those doors”.

This will come as no shock to the Brisbane community. Last year an elderly man was ordered to remove the pins in his left hip,as it was a ‘health and safety hazard’ to fellow passengers.

So i live with a dog named ‘Merlin’. Who looks like the luck dragon from ‘The never ending story’.I love him. I really do. However he has became accustomed to me taking him for walks. So when Josh and Alex go to work he skips down the stairs,shits everywhere and scratches at the door to wake me up. I try to ignore him as i don’t want him to think that he can get away with wakening me up every morning,to go for walks around the block.He usually gives up pretty quickly.

On wednesday however i got woken up by a stressed out blonde at the door,who had run him over with her car! He escapes every now and then by ramming the door until it comes ajar. According to the woman he jumped out in the road,she slammed on the brakes and somehow – amazingly – he went under the car and not the wheels. And he is perfectly fine to the relief of the woman and myself.

So he is one lucky dog. I can see it now. With little time to think and a car tearing along the street,Merlin throws himself backwards in slow motion as the car smoothly slides centimetres from his cold,fluffy little nose.He calmy and coolly walks to the pavement,lights a ciggerette and says “just another walk in the park”.I guess he really is – “The luck dragon”.

I’ve now booked the first part of my journey home after much indecision. I’ll be flying into Phuket,Thailand on the 3rd of January for a month or two of sun,sea and………well……..whatever else comes my way. I feel completely confident,doing it on my own.Wasn’t really that scared when i left home so i have no real reason to be now. Definately looking forward to getting loose and having fun. Still like it here in Brisbane but im eager to keep the ball rolling and i love Asia. So im a week off booking my flight home. Should be back Spring next year for a while. So get the kettle on.

Apart from that nothing much has been happening! Wearing to many odd socks,taking as much work as im offered and watching far to much tele. It’s like im sitting in an airport terminal,walking around window shopping,having coffee and killing time until my flight. However i don’t really mind the delay.Plenty to keep me occupied.

Definatly made some great friends here and had some awesome times. I’ll take a lot away from Brisbane. Its been fun. Will i be back? Probably not anytime soon, sadly. Just to far a field and i will be elsewhere this time next year hopefully. But i might see Josh again as he will be on his adventures soon also. There will be no more adventures for Merlin.


About Darren Crocker

Thirty one year old Support Worker from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

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