FOR ALL THE COWS – Ponderland.

Being on your own on the other side of the world leaves you with a lot of time and energy(sometimes to much) to think,ponder and take in your surroundings. With my job i have a lot of free time in the afternoon,usually spent in the park or sitting around the city. I have been trying to read more but my heart really isn’t in it.I have never been a big reader. And i have established that i make up far more elaborate fairy tales and stories in my head, than i will ever read in any book.And at least i know i will always be interested in reading on and turning the page. The beauty of my book is that it lasts a lifetime,its for my eyes only and it has the all important draw factor. I don’t know how it will end.

I can spend hours of the day dropping pots and pans in my brain,making a racket and still make it sound like a beautiful symphony come the end of the day. I can also spend my time playing with butterflies on floating clouds and make reading as inspiring as the nutritional values on a foot long,meatball sub. It may not make the most sense and contradict itself on occasion, however I’m happy to read on. My book is the most important thing in my life at the moment. I am the writer,the editor,the main character, and when i feel like it – the publisher. It’s not every one’s ideal read – Lets be honest. Not everyone wants to read a chapter. And that’s fine. Sometimes its the only thing left on the coffee table.

Some people look at the cover and walk on.Others read the back for a quick fix and realise it’ll probably be shit. However one thing I’ve learned (apart from this phase of writing in metaphors) is to write freely,uninfluenced and as much as possible. I’m enjoying my book. And as long as it makes sense to me,its the only book worth reading.

I’ve pretty much kicked the terrible smoking habit i had. However i must stress, that this really wasn’t my choice. My heart (unlike my brain)writes its own material,has its own book and owns the right too most – in fact all of my body. My brain owes my heart an apology. And it seems that putting it in writing just won’t do. I started getting sharp pains in my chest in Christ Church and its been kicking around ever since. Even too much sugar in my coffee angers the ol‘ ticker. I decided the best plan of action was to cut down on the booze,the fags and the……..well nothing else really. A bottle of gaviscon,a healthier living and some wish full thinking later and it feels alright i guess. Still get lingering pains but it doesn’t stick around long enough to warrant any great concern.I’m more worried about that evil monkey in my closet.

I have an idea of when i will be home and by the end of this month,i will know for sure.I realised that I’ve had a year to be as selfish and self indulgent as i like. Next year i should come home and see my friends and family,before jetting off again.I don’t intend on staying in the UK for long. But coming home is only fair. So folks i will be seeing some of you again very soon. I’ll be doing this experience all over again.Maybe somewhere more challenging.I have an abundance of ideas ranging from teaching English in China to travelling Africa top to bottom. But these are merely pipe dreams at the moment. In reality anything can happen in the next couple of years. I have the right idea,wanting to make the most of my time but sometimes things don’t work out.

But i take confidence in knowing that dreams are there to be made and targets made to be reached.’

The world is a book – and those who do not travel – read only a page.’


About Darren Crocker

Thirty one year old Support Worker from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

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