FOR ALL THE COWS – Brain Freeze.

For being someone that claims “they can’t sit at peace for two minutes” i fairly have been for much longer recently.The sofa and the internet has been my best friend as of late as has Lila the puppy Jack Russell,which i’ve turned into a little tearaway in my spare time.I love that dog.She is a suitable replacement for the manic,crazed rapist that is Hamish the wonder Bichon.I now live with a dog that is just as nuts.Im guessing Dan and Amber won’t be to pleased when i leave and the dog is tearing down curtains and shitting in their pillow cases. “Cheers for letting me stay guys! I had a great time.And oh! By the way………sorry for ruining your dog”.
Back to the original topic.

It was brought to my attention that my claim was somehow – well – for lack of a better term – full of shite. HOWEVER. As always.I have a theory.Well when i say theory you can interpret that as you may. Theory is very broad when it comes to myself. Rant if you will. Ramble. Or just speaking absolute shite that makes sense in only my head.
Im lazy.

That solves that equation.

However!!

I now realise why i can’t sit at peace. I may have a touch of this ADD pish,but im still sceptical that it even exists. Everyone’s head works in different ways and whatever happens in your day to day life,how much youv’e pumped your brain full of drugs and the kind of person your inclined to be in different scenarios are all factors in how you behave.

I just don’t believe that the reason people have short attention spans is due to some magical condition that can only be clamped down on via pills.

I am a prime example of being one person one day and a different the next. Being happy one moment and on a downer later. Not being able to handle my drink – then managing to knock back two bottles of wine and be fine.Does this mean i have ADD? Not really – it just means that i have ups and downs like everyone else.

I smoked far to much weed and i know i have done damage.That im sure of. Before i left, i felt i was on the brink of losing the plot and near either a breakdown or depression.I’d battle my own brain about trivial things and drive myself up the wall sometimes. Am i just being dramatic?Perhaps.But i don’t think so this time.Im definatly a drama queen and love the attention.But something happened to me i can’t really explain.And i changed.And i knew that the thing i needed was to go far away on my own and sort out my head that way.Iv’e now left and feel ten times better than i did. I still have my days but in my head i am alot healthier.

Now – to wrap up these points.

I can definatly say that i couldn’t sit at piece for two minutes in public.
At home i can relax.
When im around people, or if there’s anything on my mind, generally, i am absolutly terrible at fucking around and being restless. And when iv’e had a drink i can become anyone. Abusive,funny,energetic or just a prick.

I realise now that because i have left alot of baggage at home i have become a different – and dare i say it – better person.And i was right. The only thing i needed was to get away. I don’t have ADD. And there is nothing wrong with me. My head just registers alot of information and doesn’t have a clue how to deal with it. Everyone is different. And you just have to deal with it in the best way you can. Its far to easy to make promises,excuses and lie to yourself. I just needed to channel my energy into something constructive. Because at the end of the day one positive action for yourself can pretty much kill off ten negatives. You just need to find the things that can take the best and not the worst of you. I can now sit at piece,have a conversation(not dominate one) and handle my drink alot better.

So the claim of “I can’t sit at piece for two minutes” being shite? I’ll have to agree. It was never that i couldn’t. I just didn’t have the head for it.

Anyway. Onto something more light hearted!

I have a job now! Hurray! I am chefing and in charge of a kitchen.Not exactly what i was wanting as i was still living in the dream world of getting a job involving beautifull woman,2 hour days and afternoon naps and still getting by. WRONG! I’ll be an early bird for the next few months with having to get up at half 4 in the morning to get there for 6. But the broader picture is great.
I’ll be off to New Zealend for all your adventury jazz and have a month or two off,before flying back to the mainland to work untill christmas.From there i plan to go to Japan and depending how the money goes do a wee stint in the states. Then i have a choice to make…….

Do i fly home? Or fly to Europe? Or even apply to work in Canada? This is something that will come to me as the months go on. And of course everything depends on the magic green paper i get handed for making toastie’s all day.

So am i enjoying the travelling malarchy and was it everything i hoped for? Well the answer to that is definatly yes. I loved China and want to go back. I don’t love Australia but that’s definatly not to say im not enjoying it. Met great people,living a casual life and enjoying being here and apprecaiating being away. Im very excitied for the up coming year.

So folks that’s about it for today. I will be in touch. Because im still in Brisbane and the title of my last blog was “Brisbane” for today i will go back to an arty song title. Just to fly back to my emo roots. You fucking love them.
Take it easy.

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About Darren Crocker

Thirty one year old Support Worker from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

One response to “FOR ALL THE COWS – Brain Freeze.

  • Holly

    I am so glad you’re figuring yourself out. I would be so gutted if you didn’t come back but the “new you” sounds like you really need to be away so I’d come and see you wherever you go.Canada would be awesome, some places are super expensive though. I would love to spend a few months treking around the states. If you ever fancy that then count me in!

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