You go to a hairdresser and it seems that its the law to answer the same three questions everytime you are are there.Those being “Do you ken my daughter/son?,what school did you go to (or if youve had a shave what school do you go to!) and – now hows that for you?” .Of course its only common courtesy to ask three completely different questions back .They are also well rehearsed.I like to go for the fine choices of “Did you get stuck in the rain today?,you going anywhere in the summer? and how come everytime i go to get my haircut my hairline seems to creep back another two centimetres?” Thats right folks it looks like im losing my hair at the grand age of 21.Its not to bad mind you.Not bad atall.Just slightly at the front as opposed to the shoehorn Andy has and whatever the fuck Paul has.Poor buggers.I suppose you just have to take a look at your old man to know what your going to look like in twenty years.I can’t see me being black and from Congo like Andy’s but im pretty much garunteed to have a massive belly and a nice shiny top like my own.Oh well – life goes on!As long as i don’t develop his fashion sense im in bussiness.Everyone says that my old man and i are pretty much the same.Ive denied it with a passion for so long but im starting to come to grips with the fact that i have no comedy timing and pretty much the same sense of humour as him.But hey – if i grow up to be half as hard working ill have done pretty well.He has been very good to me over the years and i appreciate it.Im well looked after.
So when is small talk not appropriate?I tried it at the dentist today but apparently when she has her fingers in your mouth its not the best time to start chatting about the Brit awards.And what about to bus drivers? There is a clear sign that tells you not to distract the driver and even if you felt like having a wee yap he will have taken off at 40 miles per hour,bouncing your head from pole to pole before you could even think about taking a seat.Of course the good old taxi driver is always your best pal anytime of day.He will always tell you that Rangers aren’t pish.He will always crash you his last ciggerette.And he will always agree with you when your ripping the piss out of students. Of course the reason for this being that he never knows whos going to step into his car therefore agreeing with any random shader is always the best policy, plus im sure it could be a long boring night for him otherwise if he dosen’t nosy in with his customers.I feel sorry for the people that sit at checkouts all day.The small talk must get so repetative and tedious.On top of that they have the dreaded “do you have a nectar card?” to deal with.I suppose with someone with a little passion and pride about their job it could actually be not to bad.You could go around telling folk that quilted velvit is so much better than andrex and that Branston beans pisses all over Heinz.Anything to make the day go a bit quicker.And anything to stop you going round the bend.
Anyway im off to see Rangers sail into the last 16 of the Uefa cup.Enjoy your evening and treat every haircut like its your last. Take it easy folks.


About Darren Crocker

Thirty one year old Support Worker from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

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