Kiev 2006

Did i die?Did i get locked up? Did i get aids? All will be answered……


The city itself is one of beauty but fuck me its big.Its like stepping into Sim city 2000.Every building is of grand stature and the actual layout of the city centre is something ive never seen.Its like a half a mile down under the street to get to the underground and to cross the road you have to cut through underground shopping centres.The drivers are absolutley mental,the streets are clean and the beer is good!The squares are also of grand scale but id get the impression that you wouldnt want to step out of the main centre as on the way from the airport are hundreds of very rough looking slums which puts Logie Avenue to shame.


On the most part were very friendly!Every two minutes on game day we were stopped to take photos with locals like we were celebritys.And i never once felt the need to keep a hold of my wallet during these times but i did feel obliged to lift my kilt up to expose my willy warmer or my arse on occasion.Every photo cant be a family kodak moment.When your at a party is every photo of freinds and family nice ones?No – theres always one that creeps in there of some fat auntie with her skirt over her head,hugging the toilet or some 60 plus whiskey loving woman trying to climb over a fence or ride a bike designed for a 6 year old.Its just in their blood.
Anyway – the locals were very freidly on the most part and were very patient with my little grasp of Ukrainian language and quick tounge.I did try and chat up waitresses with my card that only had the words – will you join us?yes,no,i am scottish and do you know the way to the train station?To which i got nowhere funnily enough!But they were good with our banter if not slightly scared.
But with such a big city comes big dodgers and Kiev had many.You didnt really feel 100 percent safe walking around with your kilt on.People would just stare holes right through you,woman with babies would ask you for money,hookers will try and rob you blind and the drunk Ukranian fans were very in your face and quite intimidating at times.It always had a constant,edgy atomsphere and very tense.We heard alot of stories of casuals attacking scotand fans with bottles,kick ins and even stabbings.We met a guy at the airport that got a doing for just wearing a kilt alone so i find myself quite lucky in that we didnt really see any of that.And the fact that i was singing at the top of my voice through the streets at stupid o clock with a 10 o clock curfue makes me wonder even more.


When i arrived in Kiev Andy and Peeps were already chatting up two sexy young girls called Olga and Olga! So i had some catching up to do.After a few drinks the two Olgas decided to take us clubbing.Olga 1 hailed down a random car in the street,which was a cross between a twenty year old fiesta and an aids infected needle.The five of us crammed in the back with a drunk driver taking us to the unknown.Our atire held us back in that we got denied entry from two clubs,tried to get bumped to pay stupid amounts of money (by the way this was the theme for the whole weekend – if they seen you had a kilt on the made up prices as they went along to try and sting as much out of you as possible) and made up age restrictions as they went along.We eventually got entry to club called “the carribean club” which looked about as welcoming as a fart in a spacesuit.After a bit of arguing with the bouncers from our translators Olga 1 and 2 we gained entry.And the place was actually very nice! Me and Peeps got a Hukka,a few beers and we danced the night away.Peeps and Andy made their moves on the Olgas and i was left on my tod being the odd one out.Fuckers.So i befriended a Polish man who seemed to love me and bought me tequila after tequila after tequila.By that point – i was to fucked to care! They flagged down a taxi for me and threw me in.I was in no state to continue the evening.They paid the taxi for me and when i got dropped off i refused to get out as i wanted to chat with the poor driver that didnt know a word of English.I tipped him 20 dollars.
For the rest of the trip Andy and Peeps met with the fucking Olgas everyday for lunch,drinks and all that jazz which again left me the odd one out.They were nice girls and all that but what was i meant to do?Cant exactly run off myself with someone.So that was me. To be honest though im not that annoyed or anything as if i wanted to go down that road it was there on a plate but i wasnt really up for it.They had it set up which is fair enough.I wanted to go out just the three of us but they insisted on meeting their new girlfriends and as a consolation the Olgas took out one of their friends for me.Which you guessed it.Was the ugly one!So once again we hut a club,got extremely drunk and I shouted “Id rather shag a sheep than Helen”.Alot.Oh dear.I danced like a maniac in that club all night and had a great time.It was nice just to get pissed with different people.And anything else would of been a bonus but as i said – it didnt really bother me.Was good laughs all round.


Again the people were nice enough.Although you could feel the tension now.The ground was ok – was’nt Old Trafford or anything.Was a disspointing result.But the Ukraine are a very good team which will cause alot of problems for the others in the group.After the match they kept the Scotland fans in the stadium for twenty minutes which was for our own safety i think.We were escorted through the streets by riot police,guards dogs and horses.I think that was the most dodgy it felt the whole trip.You didnt know what was around the corner so to speak.


Its dirt cheap in some places but the clubs and that were pretty much the same as back home.

The people look very shifty and alot of them look like they are at it.

30 Pence for a packet of ciggerettes.

The drivers are mental.

The woman are beautifull.

The service in restaurants are awfull.

The girls dont understand why i want to shale their hand to introduce myself.

Well that was my trip folks.I also stopped off in Prague for a day which is a very beautifull and surreal place in that the building are all so old and unusual.May be an idea to hit it for a weekend.Really liked it.Away games to Geiorga,Italy and France to contemplate going to.Hmmm…..I doubt it though.Really need to save the pennies now.Take it easy folks!


About Darren Crocker

Thirty one year old Support Worker from Aberdeen, Scotland now residing in Edinburgh. View all posts by Darren Crocker

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