Monthly Archives: February 2009

FOR ALL THE COWS – Brain Freeze.

For being someone that claims “they can’t sit at peace for two minutes” i fairly have been for much longer recently.The sofa and the internet has been my best friend as of late as has Lila the puppy Jack Russell,which i’ve turned into a little tearaway in my spare time.I love that dog.She is a suitable replacement for the manic,crazed rapist that is Hamish the wonder Bichon.I now live with a dog that is just as nuts.Im guessing Dan and Amber won’t be to pleased when i leave and the dog is tearing down curtains and shitting in their pillow cases. “Cheers for letting me stay guys! I had a great time.And oh! By the way………sorry for ruining your dog”.
Back to the original topic.

It was brought to my attention that my claim was somehow – well – for lack of a better term – full of shite. HOWEVER. As always.I have a theory.Well when i say theory you can interpret that as you may. Theory is very broad when it comes to myself. Rant if you will. Ramble. Or just speaking absolute shite that makes sense in only my head.
Im lazy.

That solves that equation.

However!!

I now realise why i can’t sit at peace. I may have a touch of this ADD pish,but im still sceptical that it even exists. Everyone’s head works in different ways and whatever happens in your day to day life,how much youv’e pumped your brain full of drugs and the kind of person your inclined to be in different scenarios are all factors in how you behave.

I just don’t believe that the reason people have short attention spans is due to some magical condition that can only be clamped down on via pills.

I am a prime example of being one person one day and a different the next. Being happy one moment and on a downer later. Not being able to handle my drink – then managing to knock back two bottles of wine and be fine.Does this mean i have ADD? Not really – it just means that i have ups and downs like everyone else.

I smoked far to much weed and i know i have done damage.That im sure of. Before i left, i felt i was on the brink of losing the plot and near either a breakdown or depression.I’d battle my own brain about trivial things and drive myself up the wall sometimes. Am i just being dramatic?Perhaps.But i don’t think so this time.Im definatly a drama queen and love the attention.But something happened to me i can’t really explain.And i changed.And i knew that the thing i needed was to go far away on my own and sort out my head that way.Iv’e now left and feel ten times better than i did. I still have my days but in my head i am alot healthier.

Now – to wrap up these points.

I can definatly say that i couldn’t sit at piece for two minutes in public.
At home i can relax.
When im around people, or if there’s anything on my mind, generally, i am absolutly terrible at fucking around and being restless. And when iv’e had a drink i can become anyone. Abusive,funny,energetic or just a prick.

I realise now that because i have left alot of baggage at home i have become a different – and dare i say it – better person.And i was right. The only thing i needed was to get away. I don’t have ADD. And there is nothing wrong with me. My head just registers alot of information and doesn’t have a clue how to deal with it. Everyone is different. And you just have to deal with it in the best way you can. Its far to easy to make promises,excuses and lie to yourself. I just needed to channel my energy into something constructive. Because at the end of the day one positive action for yourself can pretty much kill off ten negatives. You just need to find the things that can take the best and not the worst of you. I can now sit at piece,have a conversation(not dominate one) and handle my drink alot better.

So the claim of “I can’t sit at piece for two minutes” being shite? I’ll have to agree. It was never that i couldn’t. I just didn’t have the head for it.

Anyway. Onto something more light hearted!

I have a job now! Hurray! I am chefing and in charge of a kitchen.Not exactly what i was wanting as i was still living in the dream world of getting a job involving beautifull woman,2 hour days and afternoon naps and still getting by. WRONG! I’ll be an early bird for the next few months with having to get up at half 4 in the morning to get there for 6. But the broader picture is great.
I’ll be off to New Zealend for all your adventury jazz and have a month or two off,before flying back to the mainland to work untill christmas.From there i plan to go to Japan and depending how the money goes do a wee stint in the states. Then i have a choice to make…….

Do i fly home? Or fly to Europe? Or even apply to work in Canada? This is something that will come to me as the months go on. And of course everything depends on the magic green paper i get handed for making toastie’s all day.

So am i enjoying the travelling malarchy and was it everything i hoped for? Well the answer to that is definatly yes. I loved China and want to go back. I don’t love Australia but that’s definatly not to say im not enjoying it. Met great people,living a casual life and enjoying being here and apprecaiating being away. Im very excitied for the up coming year.

So folks that’s about it for today. I will be in touch. Because im still in Brisbane and the title of my last blog was “Brisbane” for today i will go back to an arty song title. Just to fly back to my emo roots. You fucking love them.
Take it easy.

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Brisbane

Well it looks like the travelling bubble has burst as am now in the process of settling down for a few months. No big deal really and its by no means a bad thing. If i want to go see the places iv’e always wanted to im going to have to live in the big bad super scary,super hardore world for a while.However i’d much rather live it here as i don’t think the novelty of being in a different country could ware off. Anyway…..A wee update.
Im not sure if i mentioned this but me and Jim met up in Sydney and we met three girls (who in turn met eachother on their travels) and we decided to rent a car and drive up the East Coast. Actually i met Jenny at the airport and it happened to be that we ended up being in the same hostel and in the same room! So me,her and Jim travelled up to Manly ( a seaside tourist resort) where we adpoted Shana and Mel and took them with us. Anyway… iv’e now said my goodbyes to them and decided to live and work in Brisbane to save for a stint round New Zealend.
Am i feeling any better about Oz? Well yes. Im still not majorly excited about it but i appreciate being on my own for a while as i feel it was more important for me to do this trip to sort my head out first and not worry to much about what im doing with my life. I have plenty of time to pull the finger out my arse and point it any direction. However for the time being im taken it one step at a time. Iv’e only just set foot in Oz really.
Iv’e bought a pair of football boots,joined a team and now have a place to stay. As training has been at night i haven’t experienced kicking a ball about a sauna yet but i can imagine i will look like a hampster in a microwave and if i don’t die of exhaustion i will definatly die of over exposure to fit,skillfull football players. They will be the death of me. I will be running circles on the sub bench thats for sure.
As for the place? Well it was easier to get that than it is the job. Iv’e moved into the South Suburbs about twenty minutes from the city with a couple named Dan and Amber. They own the house and im renting a room. They are as sound as a pound (never got that saying by the way.Where did it come from and what the fuck does it mean?) and the house is more than i could of asked for. It has a sleepy suburb feel to it with a dartboard,pool table couple of dogs and a big garden.However it has a big tv,a good kitchen and internet access to keep me entertained so im quite happy there.
Funny story….
Went to check out a house a fair bit out of the city as the add said “Two young,sporty,fun loving girls looking for a male 18 to 30 to move in and have some fun” or something to that extent.Naturally i checked it out!
After arriving a young blonde,bubbly girl greeted me and we got chatting over a cup of coffee (this story does not end in shagging just to let you know). Nice house,nice girl and her flatmate looked pretty foxy too and although it was a fair bit out the road that was enough convincing for me to put pen to paper.Around an hour later she gets a phonecall from what i thought was a friend taking the piss asking who i was,how long id been there for,why i hadn’t left yet etc. After the call she looked a bit edgy and 5 minutes later this fucking action man,army dude with massive arms and a wife beating vest comes storming in telling me that i had overstayed my welcome! He thought we were doing more than checking out the room.Laying carpet perhaps.The guy was clearly unstable and over protective and she tried to calm him down.As she was walking him to the front of the house this other guy turns up.As it turns out she was seeing the army guy and the other guy but neither knew about eachother. I now found myself in the middle of this Jerry Springer rehearsal session. He screached off in his car calling her a “fucking slut” and i left,slightly shitting myself that i was going to get a hit and run on the way to the bus.Fortunatly i made it home (well the hostel) safe and sound and as much as i would of liked to move in it didn’t materialise.Welcome to Australia i thought!
So at the moment i have just printed off a few CV’s and away to throw them in more places.I haven’t had one phonecall which is a first for me so iv’e made them more professional. Hopefully i’ll get work soon.
A couple of people i have been travelling with are coming to Brisbane soon so i have that to look forward to.
Take it easy folks and i’ll update soon.

Sydney

Aye aye folks. Im in Sunny Australia now sporting lovely 3rd degree burns to 90 percent of my body.Great.It means i’ll get a bonnie tan tommorow or the next day though.But for now i will have to persevere with my burning lips and steaming skin(i don’t have an std by the way).
A quick note on Sydney since im on Oz. Its nice. Infact its beautifull. But it isn’t me. Its a laid back,structured,civilized place which would be most people’s dream destination. However for me,i enjoy a place with a bit of grit,balls and some charachter to it as opposed to charm.And it is really expensive. Im going to be working my way up the coast soon enough…
So whats been happening! Well Cambodia,Bangkok and Vietnam have came and went. Done so many things to mention so i will just wing this blog and see what was most memorable. Well i’ll start with christmas day i guess.That was spent on a beach somewhere.In some place. (my memory is fucking awfull by the way.Constant alcohol abuse seems to have fried me)………..infact i’ll start with that. I kind of kicked back to 2005 with my drunken antics and went on a bender a couple on nights. For those of you that no me well a bender consists of chatting(not pill taking),dancing,sleazing,shouting,getti
ng agressive and then losing all concept of time,decency and self control. I.e to clarify – i fucked everyone off. Jumping on peoples beds,hurling abuse,opening and closing every train door at 3 in the morning,games of slaps, etc. So much so i actually got outcasted for a wee while and sent to the naughty boys room as Uncle terrance didn’t want to live with me anymore. Great. From then onwards i realised my flaws and that i was quite an unstable drunk,so resorted to making a real effort to change my ways. Since then i feel i have changed for the better. I have realised that im not the best drunks and if you don’t know me that well i can be a fucking nightmare. It also came to my attention that everyone has an opinion and mine at times isn’t the most educated. I have learned to be patient,bite my tounge and give people the time of day before laying down torrents of abuse. Its nice to learn.However! Im still as chirpy as ever.Just able to control myself better.You kind of need to over here.
Anyway……..It has came to my attention that both my parents now read my blog…..hmmmm……its not going to change anything i write but i can see them shaking their heads in disgust at certain things!
Just to let you know parents……I rented out a motorbike(pink),took it to a hundred k’s and i wasn’t wearing a helmet. Im sorry. It was pretty stupid.I guess its better coming from me.However………to make it up to you i petted tigers and went on an elephant ride. Something less rock and roll. I will try and behave myself from now on. Im getting slightly more sensible. Although i can’t see myself changing my ways that drastically.Just handle them a bit better.
I visited the killing fields in Cambodia and the jail in which the prisoners of war were kept,tortured and eventually slaughtered in many different inhumane ways. That was probably one of the most upsetting places i’ve been. To learn and see how so many people wer’e masacared was moving and it really was a strange day. Very glad i went.
Also saw countless temples. Fuck me. How many temples must one person see??? A case of “youv’e seen one – you’ve seen them all” for me im afraid.
My birthday was pretty cool.Ate and played with turnantula’s,went cycling and kicked a football about with the kids.Nae bad.
New Year in Bangkok was pretty cool too. Gotten into the habit of speiling off speach’es when im hammered. It was expected on the bells. I delivered.
On the pool front – i got better. And cleared up on a lot of people.
On the PULL front? Well thats not really a story for here.
And on the smoking front? Iv’e given up. Although iv’e learnt a new trick. – roll a lit tabby into your mouth – keep it there – and flick it back out without it going out.Nice one.
I met a lot of brilliant people on my trip round Asia,not only travel buddies but the locals aswell.The kids are amazing and the majority of people we have met have been welcoming,good natured and memorable. Also very kind. On a homestay one night in Cambodia i was amazed to find out that the Cheif of the town doesn’t know where his country is in the world.Of course when i found out it was the same case for Scotland that just woudn’t do. I gave him my Scotland hip flask. That was a great night.Iv’e never seen stars like that before. There was hundreds of them all crystal clear.Amazing.
So whats my on going plans? Well i met a great couple from Brisbane called Mitch and Ainsley and i intend to head up there in the next couple of weeks to stay for a while. Might even get a job if i like the place. Oz is huge though. So we shall see.
Im travelling with Jim just now.(The mouthy,ginger Doncaster rovers fan from the first trip).He’s a good lad. Got no problem with that.
So folks i guess i will keep you posted. Big Asia adventure over now. Its now about looking for work somewhere i love.Wish me luck.
Take it easy.
Congratualtions Wilson on being an uncle. Lets hope she doesn’t inherate your looks.
Tata.

Vietnam

 
So its been a couple of weeks since ive updated due to being a busy boy! And paper and pen doesn’t really do it for me ive decided.And why would it since iv’e been using a keyboard for so long.I wouldn’t carry a phone box around instead of a mobile would i? Or i wouldn’t send a carrier pigeon instead of using a txt….
Anyway.
Ermmm………where to start.The group i guess. I lost a few of my good pals on this trip as they are off galavanting elsewhere,but gained a few new ones. It looks like im at the fore front of drinking shenanagins though. Last night being the prime example.I was a shambles. Drinking games seem to turn me into a hyper 4 year old child and i seem to get twice as fucked as everyone else.Had to get carried (yet again) to bed. Apparently im quite abusive when im drunk. No shock there then.
Im in Vietnam just now. Was in Hanoi a couple of days ago and to be honest i wasn’t a big fan. Its crowded,dirty and fucking noisy! Horns constantly from thousands of motorbikes. Again its a case of cross the road and play dodge the tyres.Had my first “im going to be stabbed” scare though….
Me,Kelly (Welsh girl) and Daff (Welsh guy!) left the club at around three one night and jumped on the back of motorbikes to get back to the hotel. Problem being my driver decided to go in the completely wrong direction and take me to a lovely dark street with plenty of shaders and not much home comforts – i.e lights and the slightest sense of where i was. Being hammered i got arsy with him and jumped off. Couple of problems though. Hardly any money.No phone.No map.And no hotel card.And to top it all off my brain decided that it would forget the name of the hotel. So i was pretty much up shit creek. Without a paddle.
After walking around aimlessley trying to recognise anything atall i flagged another driver down and explained the situation.Gave him what i had and promised him more IF he got me back safe and sound.An hour and a half later of driving around,hanging off the back of the bike i finally got back after several stops,de tours and losing the will to live. The driver seemed more chuffed than me that he got me back! He was great. Was my hero that night.
On the move again tommorow.Off to a beach somewhere. The group pretty much know not to ask me anything about the trip as i really don’t have a clue. Not a natural leader lets say. I organised a pool tournament though. I was far to cocky going into it and got knocked out in the first round by a girl. It was then i realised that i get more upset getting beat at anything than i do with most things. I completley lost all ability at the table and caved. Haven’t played well since.Confidence is absolutley shot with pool at thew moment. It happens.
Highlight of the past fortnight has been a boat trip to beautifull Halong Bay. Sun,sea and wine. Was a great day trip. Also a mention has to go to the village we stayed in a while back.Team Westerner versus the locals drew a big crowd at basketball – and we won! That was a special moment.
OH – I can’t pull Chinese girls for shit. Someone must write “RAPIST” on my head in the mornings.Just thought id get that in.
Right folks.Long day of travelling tommorow ahead of me.Fun,fun,fun. Kelly is my bus buddy. She lost her ipod so she has had to listen to mine.That’s one more Jimmy Eat World fan in the world now. Good stuff.
Hope Aberdeen is grand.I miss my favourite people but not the place. So don’t put the kettle on.Im not coming back anytime soon but i will see some of you in the New year.
Take it easy folks.
Crocker.

Shanghai,Yangshou,Longli Terraces,Shenzhen.

Feeling like a fat pie after a meal of sushi,noodles then ice cream. Was going to walk it off but decided against after realising it took me an hour and a half to walk to the city centre. Reason being that taking two minutes to look online to find out what tube to get is just far to much hastle for me. No,no,no. Just walk into an unknown city and guess your way around. Fuck sat nav when you have a clueless body map at hand.
If you haven’t guessed already im all on my lonesome in sunny Shenzhen sporting panda eyes from constant shade use and a Scotland top that has smelt better.
I left the rest of my group today and said some goodbyes.They are off to Hong Kong for a couple of days whilst i am here as i fucked up my visa application. Could think of alot worse places to be though. Word has it you are knee deep in snow right now.Nae luck comes to mind.As much as id have you all over here for a piss up anytime im not fancying wet trainers and slippy paths anytime soon….
So what have i been upto……
Well a few places have came and went! Shanghai being one of them.Great place.We went to see an acrobatic show that had more “Jeessssssssuuuuuuusssssss chrrrrrrissssstttttts” than church on christmas day.Jumping through hoops,bending their bodies in ridiculous postions.4 motor bikes going mental in what can only be described as an oversized atmosphere from gladiatiors.Mighty impressive i tell thee.After that it was a hunt for a cheap bar with the lads to watch the football. Which we found. A few beers and two triple jagers later im dancing on stage like a fanny,trying to dance with the waitress and challenging Dav (the welsh lad)………(and rugby player i may add) to rugby tackles in the corridor.Needless to say i got binned and after the fourth atempt at gaining some sort of pride i had to be carried into my room and dumped on my bed. Sporting some lovely carpet burns and bruises.Lovely…..
We decided to go to a posh bar on the 88th floor of some huge,impressive tower. The view was amazing and it was then it really hit home on how long i’ll be away for.
After Shanghai it was onto rural China which consisted of a full day bike ride,kayaking and a long day trekking. I love all these things so i was happy. Was good to see some “real” China in the sense it was very basic and quite poverty stricken. Still the locals are friendly and im very impressed with the good nature of the people.Some of the local ladies put on a culture show for us which consisted of singing,dancing and some crazy bamboo stick game that can only be described as skipping rope with a hint of fucking nuts thrown in.Its all about the rhythm!Haha! Otherwise expect to get your ankles nipped.
Also got my hair washed by some ladies up the mountain.Freezing cold mountain water.Great……….Silky smooth though. But i think i may be baptized now. Ah well….
Yangshou was also a stop. This place can only be described as Magaluf in China.If it was Summer it would be mentally busy i think.Good times wer’e had here.Highlights included a white trash redneck party,buy one get one free cocktails and trying to buy a local guys food cart for 25 quid. A wee note on that………
This guy was willing to let me rent his cart for two hours and let me run his business.I was only taking the piss.I offered him twenty percent of the profit. I was amazed that he was willing to let me take his life off him for that. I politley declined in the end and made friends. Didn’t want to offend him so we agreed on cooking together. Good banter he was.
So the day after tommorow i meet back up with some of the original group and a few new faces at the airport where we fly to Sapa. Im looking forward to that. Then its treking down to Vietnam.
A few things i’ve learned……
Have patience with the language barrier and don’t be arsy. You can’t understand them so don’t expect them to understand you.
The roads are fucking mental. If you don’t have a seatbelt hold on to your balls,arse or whatever else that isn’t strapped down.
You will constantly be stared at.Get used to it.
You will be approached by beggars all the time.Say no and keep on walking.
Talk to the locals.Especcially outised the cities. On the most part they are friendly.
And most importantly……..SMILE! And enjoy yourself.
Right.Off to buy some wine and drink myself into a stooper untill the flight. Maybe even find a bar thats showing the Champions League at 4 in the morning.
Take it easy folks.


X’ian

Well its nearly midnight and im sitting in a huge internet cafe in X’ian with an ashtray,comfy chair and endless dodgy looks to keep me company. But hey…..the guy next to me is playing warcraft so he can save his scowl.
So whats been happening……
Well after sleeping off a heavy night after drinking with a couple of Irish lads i met i was awaken from my junkie scwaller by a German called Fabian (pronounced as in the popular icicle “fab” and a popular Eastenders charachter put together) who was chacking into my room at mid day. I jumped out of bed (making sure i didn’t have morning glory) and said hello to my room mate for the next month. He’s sound enough. Don’t think he’s too impressed with the rip off speakers i bought from a dodgy electrical store yesterday mind you. For eight quid though they more than do the job! Snazzy little black numbers too,with cool,blue neon lights. I can’t wait untill they blow up in my face.
I met the people i will be travelling with for the next few weeks. I was bricking it,but everyone else was in the same boat. I must say iv’e landed lucky in that everyone is very cool. We all get on. Couple of Welsh ‘Jack the lads’,couples,first time travellers and Jim from “Donny” who i can talk about football with for hours. Including the SPL.Think we will end up travelling Oz together.
Don’t think im getting on anyones tits as of yet which is an added bonus. I think they are pleased they are in the company with a stereo typical Scot who drinks constantly,eats ten red got chillies for a laugh and is up for maximum banter.Trying not to be to in your face though as i realise i potentially could be someones worst nightmare.Also there are a lot of big charachters in the group and you have to step aside and let everyone say their piece and feel comfortable. I am really pleased with the people iv’e landed with. They are all genuine and down to earth.
So i climbed the Great Wall of China the other day! I say climbed as it is no way a walk. Its hard going. Was amazing though. Highlight of the trip so far. Just about did it with the hourly ciggerette breaks.
Later on after a zipline and a boat ride we got pished and built a beer tower. I think they’ve figured out that my room is the party room if need be. As long as i don’t piss Fabian off i guess.
There has been so much stuff that has happened in a short space of time i don’t know where to start!
Seen the terracotta warriers today which was cool. Some Chinese bint i was dancing with tried to steal my watch.Not so cool. Luckily “fuck off” is understood in every language. Slept on an over night sleeper train which was an experience. Rid a bike for 9 miles along X’ian’s city wall! That felt really good. Going to do that tommorow again i think. Our Chinese guide is a pisshead. Had her banging on the door of a closed shop at three in the morning to get booze to the annoyance of disgruntled staff. So got her well trained. Seen so much mad stuff to mention and still got so much to see. Its early days. Right folks. I’ll keep you updated on my progress.
Take it easy.
Crocker.


Beijing

So i made it to China safe and sound with the added bonus of no rape,stabbing or buggery as of yet. This may be due to the marathon sleeping sessions iv’e been having therefore staying clear of such scenarios.
It seems my body clock isn’t happy. Its half past seven in the evening here and iv’e been asleep since six this morning. I stayed up all night the past two mornings to watch the football in annoying Chinese commentry,to the dissapointment of the sleepy hostel staff who wherever you looked was sprawled across every available chair,desk or comfy sofa. Even the security guard got in the action sleeping on the job. So really there is nothing saving me from buggery.
I eventually got to the hostel after an argument with the taxi driver that picked me up from the airport. He was trying to chore me. We settled a price and i got there after he got lost.
It seems the driver and the rest of the Beijing community feel the need to clear their throats and spit every two minutes. But if i lived in a city this polluted id probably do the same. Add a smokers cough to that and thats a deadly recipe for cancer.
The traffic is insane. Crossing the road is like frogger on acid. The trick seems to be – walk into the middle of the road,don’t turn back and pray you don’t get run over.
The city itself is massive and spectacular. A buzzing metropolis where everyone is hurrying to get somewhere.
The people are friendly and iv’e felt safe walking the streets.Maybe wasn’t the best idea to leave the room wearing a t shirt with a pink bunny on the front. I recieved countless stares which i interpreted to eiter “LOOK! A WESTERNER!” or “LOOK! A GAY WESTERNER!”. Either or its typical Crocker fashion to stand out in a city of millions of people.
After walking round aimlessley for hours i came to the conclusion i was well and truly lost,so i flagged down a taxi. I tried to tell the woman to take me to the train station as its across the road from my hostel. This was no easy task as she didn’t speak a word of English. Eventually she had me doing choo choo noises and drawing trains on the back of a receipt. She laughed. I remained lost.
When i did finally get back i needed a beer and went down to the bar. It was there i met a couple of Dutch guys and a Canadian with his girlfriend. After the mandatory “Holland are shit – we’re going to beat you” nonsense,me and the Canadian decided to hunt down a shop that was open to buy beer.After an hour long chat drinking on the street we headed in and it looks like i made my first buddy.
I was meant to meet them at breakfast today but since its the evening im hazarding a guess that i missed them.
Had a wee scan at the receptionists reservations and it looks like my group is mostly Brits,Swedes and Americans so i’ll look forward to meeting them tommorow.
Interantional frogger coming up…….
Take it easy folks.

Ending Of An Era

So thats it folks. The fat lady has indeed sang and the clock has stopped ticking,which signals the end of my time here in Aberdeen. Im meant to be packing just now but im actually to sad and hungover too. I won’t be excited untill im on the plane because at the moment i just feel shit im leaving everyone. Im so flattered and gratefull for the effort my friends and family have put in to give me a great send off,over these past weeks. Some of you have said the nicest things to me and made me feel really appreciated as a friend so id just like to say that it meant alot to me. Im going to miss you all! And i know i’ll see you bunch over at the other side of the pond sooner or later.
I was going to write a massive entry but to be honest i think i’ve said all i want to over this past week to people.I’ll keep you all updated on my travels and i will be back eventually. So if some hairy,smelly rough looking gypo comes chapping at your door you’ve either answered to Russel Brand or i’ve came back to say hello!
Right folks……….The time has finally come for me to do what iv’e always wanted to do! The big adventure starts……………..NOW!
A few words of wisdom…….Always cross at the green man.DON’T……Try this at home.Dont drink and drive – you might spill your beer.Stop,Drop and Roll.Dinna shit in each others pockets.There is never a good answer to “Do i look fat in this?” – just kiss her.If the river runs red take the dirt track instead. Take it easy and au revoir et salut.

Crocker


Destroy Rock And Roll

Aye aye folks! First and foremost i shall apologise for my long absence from writing my blog. Bet all you fuckers thought i had grown out of my “emo” stage and retired for good eh? Wrong you are! I was merely dabbling in the realms of keeping busy.And what a weird unique feeling it is! Actually doing things amongst getting pished and falling asleep outside Zavvi and getting carried out of sin. So where to start? Bulgaria i guess! Came and went really and i had an amazing time. So much so that me and Andy decided to stay another week. There are many a story to be told but if i was to go into that you would be reading into the night. Just the usual for a lads holiday really. Messes in and out the pool, theiving gypo’s and more hot girls than you could shake your…………well…………insert whatever word you see fit there. What i did take back from Bulgaria (and no not Std’s) was a new found love for dance music. Not really the tunes that were playing there as it was quite dated in that sense but it has sort of spurred me to broaden my musical horizons a bit,which can only be a good thing.I have kind of turned my back on alot of my ipod and replaced it with a load of new albums. So much so that it is now full! Digitalism and justice are favourites at the moment. I suppose thats hit me at the right time before i go traveling. Which is only three weeks away!
I am indeed coming to the end of my time in the Deen. Sad times. Im starting to get really excited now but being shit scared seems to be battling that now too. Im starting to realise that im leaving everything behind and nothing will quite be the same when i return. I can pretty much bank on i wont have a house to return to. And as for friends and family – its all a big question mark really. I just hope some of you fuckers come and see me on the road! You know no matter where you end up seeing me you will have an ace time. I will do my best to keep in touch with the people i care about. You mean more to me than you think. There you go – return of the emo!
So i kind of forgot what i had written about in past blogs and it seems recently it was about organisation. Have i been? Ermm……not really. But i have made an effort. My visa’s are nearly there.Just waiting on the Cambodian one coming back. But i fucked up the China one. Looks like i won’t be going to Hong Kong! Great. (Seperate state from China and i needed a double entry visa and only got a single)So it looks like i will be on my tod for a couple of days. It’ll do me good. As long as i don’t get mugged,raped or buggered. Well at least not at the same time.
Drum kit is still for sale! Will one of you just take it off my hands please. I will throw in a pair of spunky boxers and a bottle of shite aftershave. Essence of Crocker in both senses.
Well im sure most of you know about my leaving party. Id love to see you there. Not really directed at anyone in particular. You. Just you. Buy me a drink.
Not much else to say then folks. I will probably post again before i leave. If not then it will be tales of a far away land. Probably of me eating christmas dinner on a packed train in Vietnam or getting a gun prodded into my skull in China. If so…………….then yay! I made it. If not……….then someone can plays drums at my funeral.
Take it easy folks.


Big Casino

Tick tock tick tock tick tock etc etc etc. Its now “shit – im leaving soon” O’ clock. And i haven’t done any of the stuff on my list.Fantastic.Which either means im full of shit or that i have good intentions to be productive but slowly over time my positive thinking dilutes to piss all. Which could probably tie into the full of shit category.I got told the other day that i talk just for the sake of talking.It is true.But iv’e realised im just trying to convince myself with some things.I say whats in my head out loud a fair bit. Its just to off load them.In terms of physically getting off my arse and working through the list i have i am shit.Haven’t done most things yet.Which is very anti productive.Talking about doing them constantly but doing nothing to solve it.Going on my travels will definatley sort this out though. I have no choice to.No one else will! I have definatley seen more of my friends since my trip was booked. Im starting to realise how much i will miss them. And with Bulgaria coming up in two weeks im sure i’ll think that even more. I don’t know if i will ever come back to settle in Aberdeen again. I know i will come back but will i want to live here? Im really not sure. Im guessing not. But who knows what’ll happen. How much of my friends will still be in Aberdeen come this time in two years? Times are a changing and its time for people to get proper jobs and maybe do a bit of travelling themselves weather it will be with work or in a similar way to myself. It’ll be interesting to see what everyones doing by the time i get home.
Talking of Bulgaria i am riddled with excitement. It is going to be absolute carnage. Im pleased Stanley is coming along. Iv’e seen alot more of his ugly coupon these past months than i have before and he is a welcome edition to the piss up.
Finally everyone is together for a boys piss up. Who will be the first to ride a moped hammered and break their leg? Who will almost drown in the pool? Who will get ripped off by a hooker? And who will be the first to lose everything they have on the second night? Watch this space.
After the summer it is only three months untill i leave. Scary times. Can’t fucking wait though. Hopefully i will see some of you on my travels. Untill then expect to see me kicking about a fair bit. Im going to enjoy my summer in the Deen. Swapping cider and Mcflurry’s at Union Terrace gardens for beaches and cocktails sounds great on paper but the fact is i love my city and proud to be born and bred here. Im just bored now and need to move on. Everyone has to do it sometime. But i can guarantee i will never forget where im from. I am and always will be a proud Aberdonian.
Take it easy folks.