Monthly Archives: June 2006

X – Static

As ive been waiting an hour now for my driving instructer to pick me up ive concluded that he will not show.So the smarmy BSM robbed me of an extra hour in my bed.In return i feel i should rob them.Dont know what they would have mind you.I could maybe run into the office and steal a handfull of colourfull brochures.Or a bag full of tree shaped air fresheners.Either way they have fucked me about once to often and im geting slightly impatient in that i want to pass my test asap and hit the old road.Who wants to be my first passenger?What kind of driver do you think i am?Am i the cautious,sensible type plodding along at a reasonable speed?Or am i the cocky,know it all boy racer with a guaranteed accident or fine within the first year.I would like to opt for the 44 year old married dogger who wanks off to young couples getting it off in the woods somewhere.But we can only hope.Whos to say ill be around when im 44?I could get eaten by sharks or take a sudden heart attack.Maybe even die trying to steal the last egg of an endangered species.Who knows.Life is full of mysteries.One of them being – where the fuck is my driving instructor!Back to my original point – im a good driver.At times i find it hard to concentrate and you know – nearly cause an accident and be called “a dangerous driver” but i suppose thats half the fun.Overall im quite confident behind the wheel and think im more than ready to sit my test.Lets just hope BSM are professional enough to put in for my test for me.God knows ive had enough lessons.So the World Cup starts today and quite honestly i am creaming myself.More than ever i want to see England lose and i am quite confident that they will.No Uri Gellar,John Motson or Wayne Rooney can save them and with my new UN Allience t shirt (Scotland,Sweden,Trinidad and Tobago and Paraguay flags) being worn proudly during the group stages i will be doing my best to give them the worst luck in the world.I am so excited my ribs hurt.Ill be seeing some of you lovely people soon over the holidays and ill look forward to sharing a drink on a hot sunny day with you.To everyone else – drive safely……..

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New Way Home

Well isnt it fitting that yet again i find myself writing another blog entry on a god damn Sunday.And its not as if i dont do anything on a Sunday because i do.I think its just the reflective nature i have especcially at the end of an extremely drunken weekend.Picture this – dancing in club tropicana to “Its Raining Men” in the middle of a hen party,with your top off and screaming ladies trying to pull your boxers down.Yes – this was me and Rigby.See we thought itd be funny to jump in the middle of a hen party and start dancing wildly but before we knew it we were circled and stripped as the dj spun the song on for our benefit.And yes – it was embarrasing!But fun never the less and i supose its our own fault for being so damn sexy!Miowwwwwwwwwwwwww………Grrrr…And the amount of money im spending in gentlemen clubs (Titty Bars) is becoming slightly worrying.I just go crazy in those places.I love them.Yes i do.So whos watching big brother?I am – and i want to go in!The problem is im a reasonably normal boy from Scotland.I dont cross dress,fuck boys or dress like a fanny.But to be fair i dont think i could go 2 hours without wanking nevermind 12 weeks.And the chances of my folks watching me on telly with a hard on and a ciggerette in my mouth is something im not to sure they would appreciate.That being said i think id be a good housemate and a have the sav to keep myself out of trouble and get towards the end.Anyone is better than these 12 imbociles that have blessed us with their shite patter,boring conversations and ugly faces.Bar imogen of course – who is an angel.I love her.Anyone want to throw a summer party and invite me?Im dying here.Everythings so boring!I need a bit of excitement.And since the world cup is coming up theres no excuse.Youve got to love Summer.I suppose thats wraps it up again – my blogs arent very exciting and not perticularly what you want to hear or be arsed reading about but i dont care.Id much rather tell you people about my happenings than write a diary.Just not my scene.Later folks.


Oh George

As my space deleted a good half an hour blog i had been writing with no warning i thought it would be a safe bet to write it up on bebo instead.This highly annoyed me as it was deep and heartfelt!Not really – it actually made no sense and boring.But hey – once again i fit write in with all you people!Ha.So im going to attempt to write it again.Problem is i cant really remember what i wrote.Was something along the lines of….Pauls birthday party was on monday night and during his speach he said “As far as friends go – i think ive got a pretty good bunch here”And i agree – as far as friends go ive got a fairly good bunch.Oh jesus – this is never going to be as heart felt as it was before!It was an epic.I know i didnt go into my mates – hmmmmm – im confused now.Yes it went something like this…I have recently noticed a recurring bad habit of mine (yes im on track now) where i leave shit lying about in my room all the time and to be honest ive tried every possible thing to try and break this habit.In a sense ive made my room idiot proof in that ive thrown out 70% of my belongings,black bagged most of my clothes and put storage places in places i didnt even know there was places!But yet i find myself picking the same empty bag,pair of socks,and change off my floor almost on a daily basis.My room is quite minimilistic through choice and everything has its place.But yet i seem to have the problem of cds lying out there boxes – when i have a whole unit for them.Clothes lying on the floor – when ive got a closet for them.And fag papers and tobbacco – when i have a perfectly good box for them.This problem has been irratating me of late because i go through my head a million times telling myself to put things where they belong in order to make my life a bit easier but still it happens.A prime example of this being when i moved out the flat i found 37 lighters kicking about my room.Every time id want to smoke a spliff id forget where i put my lighter so it was conveinent to go down to the shop and buy a new one.Also i found within the region of 100 to 150 quid all over the place in change.This fairly scared the shit out of me and the fact that i found that much in change was sort of like i was getting paid for having a bad habit.Wait a second – heres comes the science bit…At work if i make a mess it is my responsibility to clean up after myself – in which i have no problem with.I live at home with my folks and my mum (bless) has a problem with cleaning the damn house every second of the day.I mean ALL the time.I dont even make a mess!Hoovering at 7 in the morning folks?Still theres alot worse habits to have i suppose.So i think ive got it into my head that my rooms the only place that i can have my own freedom and space with no one on my back – therefore i let myself go a bit.I desperately want to shake this off though and if i bought a piggy bank and kept one refillable lighter i still dont think it would help my cause.And im not even joking.Its really bad.Im taking a couple of weeks off during the summer to watch the world cup so if anyone wants to join me in the pub everyday for a fortnight feel free to give me a shout.Ill also be playing a fair bit myself – not that im any good mind you.I try my best and i have the right ideas but i have the touch of an elephant and as much use as a buffet at a bullemic convention up front.My home is between the pegs – and thats where i plan to stay.Im a good keeper – i know that.A wee note – for all those girls out there who think they can get what they want based on looks alone deserve a kick in the vagina.Its the most pathetic,shallow thing ever.Try using your brain.Yehh everyone falls for a nice arse when there pissed – sure.Its human.But man – you need more than that to bag yourself a guy with a clue.Show yourselves a bit of respect and dignity and youll come shining through the otherside.Cheers folks.Take it easy x


How I Miss You

Its been a while since ive written a blog for a variety of reasons.One being that my aids ridden laptop seems to want to kick me in the balls when i eventually get round to using it for a purpose instead of talking to you people.So its decided to take a holiday to fucked farm and needs to be sent away.We wish him a speady recovery.Secondly my folks computer is slow as hell due to downloading to many creed songs,dirty pictures and filthy porn when i was 14 and no one has bothered to clear it out – 6 years on.I could i suppose but this would require effort and time and quite simply – i cant be arsed to.Thirdly i write my thoughts down very rarely – im easily amused by the tv and music and really have no patience when it comes to reading and writing.I get bored far to easily.That being said ive forced myself into the book “Lonely Planet” which is a sorta travellers companion.Trying to inspire myself you see.If i dont ill be serving coffees and talking shit for the rest of my life.Want something ace to talk about.Im getting bored of talking about cheesecake,slags and wrestling.Im just back from Glasgow with Sam as i was down visiting Lyndsey. Youll all be happy to know ive joined the “Take pictures of me looking like ive got a bird of prey up my arse and sand in my vagina” club.Which of coarse is reffering to all you my spacers that refuse to smile for a photo.Why dont you girls smile?Trust me – youd look ten times more appealing.We visited the Botanical Gardens and it was a beautifull day.Sam took some great photos.I had a good weekend. Thank you Lyndsey!Mwah x I purchased yet more dvds to add to the collection of ones ill never watch – why i keep doing this i do not know.Maybe in my head its a replacement for the money that i spent on weed.Keep me busy sort of thing.Food for thought.Im off to piss my night away.Smell you later.


Walking After You

Well folks youll all be exstatic to hear that i can now officially ride a bike.Not very well but i can and after one attempt i was off on a one way ticket to a thorny,needle ridden bush.Took me a while to master a right turn and i was sick straight after but god did it feel good.I dont know if anyone else has picked up something recently they should of as a kid e.g swimming,smoking whatever but it felt very surreal and a good achievment for myself.Roll on potty training.Its been a weird one this week.Alot of drama in more ways than one.One of which being a late night brawl on the number 18 bus on saturday.Basically a bunch of tinks,boys and girls fighting it out over a sausage roll,fiat punto or something to that effect.Anyway it resulted in me having to phisically hold back a girl as she was getting her hair pulled out her head by some horrible looking she beast.As peeps tried to steal her bag and i tried to get aroused i couldnt help but think……………if we smashed out the windows,and got the driver to be the refferee could i win a mixed gender,over the top of the bus battle royal?Unfortunatley i will never know as by the time the action was just getting interesting the police pulled over the bus on george street,made some arrests and then we were on our way again.Very interesting if not fun way to end the evening.I seem to be lucky in that i avoid such confrontations,partly due to how old i look and that i can talk my way out of most things.Plus id get my face to play with really.Im not hard.Saying that i did used to get a bit mental after half a lager shandy when i was younger.But that was just typical loutish,teenage behaviour.It takes two lager shandy’s now ;)Take Care Folks.