Monthly Archives: April 2006

My First Blog

I am Darren Crocker and this is my first ever blog entry.Im pretty sure theres no skill to writing these thing and from what ive read most are just a big pile of plop a dop splated onto a page so id thought id give you my take on what plop a dop goes on in my everday life.See my space never used to be my thing.I thought youd have to be one sad bastard to spend more than 15 minutes on the internet at any one time.Go kick a football about,steal from your local spar or do anything that would get a tan on your peelly walley faces but dont sit for more than a fortnight refreshing pages,on the lookout for people more sad than yourselves.But a variety of things has swayed my internet life in other directions.
When i was 12 maybe 13 sitting on the internet for hours was cool because 1.your parents hated it.2.you could chat to people and wind people up with no consequences.and 3.there was fuck all else to do at night bar go in for girls,play streets of rage or hurl rocks off of cars.Once i reached a certain age i decided the computer was a big pile of ding and a waste of time time.And i went through about a two year spell where i would hardly ever be online,and when i was it would rarely be for more than an hour tops.I have a really low concentration span,hence the shit school grades and lack of ambition.Im in no way think as shit and can run up there with the best of them but if somethings not worth stressing over – i just wont do it if you get my drift.Ive got about 25 dvds in my collection that ive only seen the first hour off – not becuase the film was bad but i just kinda got up and wondered off.
I started smoking weed at about 16 maybe 17.I said i never would but hey – you say alot of things when your younger.I split up with my girlfriend of two years and decided to take up something less constructive.I was a heavy smoker up untill new year and i know this is one new years resolution im going to keep.i just got bored of it and felt ive turned a corner.It does you no good.ive had alot of good memories being stoned out my box but id much rather roll around the floor in laughter PISSED with my mates.Than fight over the last piece of pizza then sit in silence,gasping for breath.I have a good set of friends and were extrememly fortunate in that we still all see each other from school on a regualr bases.But they must even know that smoking to the extent that they do cant be good.
I just realised today that i failed college just on the basis that i was stoned all the time.i could of been in drama school by now living it up in student digs – again pissing myself against the wall but in a positive way.But instead ive found myself moved back home – with a nice little set up and a cushy little number – which i appreciate because my folks dont need to put up with me – but i just keep myself quiet – go to work,comne back and piss about on here if im not out.See the computer isnt to bad ive realised – downloading shit,talking to folk – its quite nice that someones asking for you.Im not on here accesivley – far from it.But since my laptops on 24/7 i do run past this site and i quite enjoy having my computer as a distraction to smoking.I think less of smoking when in typing,or watching a film.
Although im thinking of it alot now!but i know i wont start again – bar when i go travelling i know theres going to be times when its a perfect joint occasion – and id be more than happy to take up the offer – your only young once.i just feel that getting pie eyed has played a bigger part in my life than i intended it to and before i knew it i was working full time – realising – what the fuck am i going to do?im only 20 – still got plenty of time to figure it out but its a bit scary when you know you could of been doing something constructive with yourself.But id say im more level headed than alot of students i know because working full time from school isnt that much of a bad thing.Grown up a shit load,taken some responsibility and got a fucking grip of myself.I have to work for what i want and i respect other people who do the same.i realise living at home has its benefits but as long as i dont take that for granted ill stay here untill i travel,come back and have a new outlook and perspective on what i want to do.get my own place – maybe go back to college.who knows?that just about concludes my rant.i dont know where the feck it came from because its a rareity i put my thoughts on paper.Maybe ill make it a regualr thing?hmmm……or maybe ill just get stoned and forget………………what?

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This Is A Call

I am currently in the process of rebooting my mp3player as i am extremely lazy when its comes to something simple.For example just a couple of clicks and a few spelling corrections and my device would of been a jem to listen to on random whilst playing the computer,getting changed,scratching my arse – whatever.But no – ive gone and downloaded absolute shite such as,snow patrol,keane,u2 etc.Not only that ive got every sound on my computer also on my player irratating the shit out of me on a daily bases.Ever heard the smash hit – “Welcome to AOL?” or “Youve got company”No didnt think so.Not to mention the home and away tune,doug and teenage mutant ninja turtles all driving me scatty.So ive spent the past two days downloading every album i had again,and burning every cd i own again.And yes – this is about as much fun as sharing a needle with Mark Fowler.But some things in life just have to be done!Organising an mp3 player may not seem that important – but my player is the soundtrack to my life..And i really dont want to share another minute of it with 5 of the same song,tracks that skip and the Arctic Monkeys.If i lost it – id honestly cry.Talking of things in life that need to be achieved riding a bike is one of them.Yes – i cant ride a bike.I did try when i was a kid but gave up and forgot about it for many years.Never needeed one you see!When kids were riding bikes i was ermmmm…..eating chips or hurling rocks at something.Plus I couldnt for ages because i had a weird hip condition but i probably could of from about 9 onwards.So friday is the big day for me!And as its in Stewart Park im guaranteed golf balls chipped at me,profanities shouted at me or punches swung at me from passing school kids.Which im sure will be beneficial to the whole push me as hard you can,peddle as fast as i can then fall off as awkward and as hard as possible.Yippee.Dreading it already.Ill let you know how i got on -and since its an Andy thats teaching me and hes broke my wrist before expect bloodshed,tears and temper tantrums – much like any over 14’s gig at Drummonds.
As a parting note if anyone would like to reccomend me an album thats up my street then throw your suggestions this way and im sure ill check them out.Ta Ta.


Head Wires

So i recently purchased as new television which is high defination ready.After spending a whole afternoon trying to get the best god damn picture possible i find out that HD isnt even out yet!For fucks sake.Would you buy beans on toast without the beans?Would you buy a hooker without a yeast infection?Would you buy a Panic!At the disco cd without having a stupid fucking haircut?No you wouldnt.Itll cost me another 2 to 3 hundred quid for the box once it eventually comes out – but god – itll look damn good on my 20 inch,flatscreen,hd ready phillips tv.What dreams are made of indeed.Problem is it dosent end there does it?You now convince yourself you need dolby surround sound and a bloody comfy chair to watch it in.What about a mini fridge to save you walking to the kitchen?The amount of money ive spent recently has left me feeling sick – but i suppose spend it whilst youve still got it.My funds will run out soon – oh yes indeed as its time to start saving for travelling again.
Why are all you girls mental?Really – what have i ever done to deserve absolute mince thrown at me?Answers on a post card please.
So me and a couple of others have managed to hunt down festival tickets this year – and i know alot of you are having or had trouble – if you dont get please dont worry to much folks as every cloud has a silver lining – and this one happens to be – black!Ha Ha Ha – later losers,im off to have the time of my life for the fourth year running at sunny leeds.Of coarse depending if the tickets come through – fingers crossed.I shouldnt count my chickens before they hatch though as i got ripped 100 quid for two foo fighters tickets that never came.What kind of absolute pricks do this to people?Surely things such as ticket sales,tele sales,and any other sales should be treated with the up most respect to the person on the recieving end.But unfortunatley thats not the kind of world we live in!Aw well nevermind – ive been told i could be a car salesman with my patter,and as ive done tele sales and could probably sell a stayover cd to my 70 year old grandmother im sure i wouldnt have a problem.Im off to ponder going out again and as its wednesday the chances of that are quite high.Later folks and in the words of Jerry Springer – “Take care of yourselves – and Eachother”


Learn To Fly

This will be my third attempt at writing a blog.I totally have ran out of shit to rambell on about which must mean im incredibly boring or not that exciting,But at least ill fit right at home with all you fuckers!I beg you all please to post a bulletin thats more exciting than “i have 2 odd socks on” or “im going shopping next friday”Go out to play instead.
Everyone have a grand week?If your wondering i had a good week.I woke up on monday morning with the feeling that it was going to be different and since ive been up town practically every day it has indeed!Been to liquid twice – so thats double my intake.Anyone need a singer or a beginner drummer to start a band with?Let me know as im dying to jump back on the saddle and do something.
I hate my dogs.They are Bichon Frise – and if anyone dosent know what they are or what they look like just imagine a snowball with dicks and eyes.No matter if i have a day off or need to get up for work they wake me up every moring with ther shitey little yapping and the puddle of piss convienently parked outside my bedroom door.I came home from town one night,kicked off my shoes,took off my socks and went to turn on the corridor light.I then stood in a puddle of piss with my left foot – slammed into a freshly layed turd with my right and then fell and banged my head off the bathroom sink as i slipped in yet another pile of piss as i rushed to save myself from puking.They are indeed the worst dogs in the world.But of coarse they have small dog syndrome – they bite whoever comes into the house,who ever leaves the house,whoever looks at the house and whoever crosses the road outside my house.It dosent help that my dad lets them drink from his coffee cup,eat from his plate and rule the roost whenever they please.My dogs hate my and i hate them.Of coarse ill cry when they die but fuck – at least ill get a long lie on a sunday.Please – if youve been to my house,feel free to post your own “Crockers dogs”stories.Ill be more happy to pass on a kick for you.
I am currently lying in my brand new bed that i had to get.Had to sell my sofa and my tv to make room for my kit.But at least i can wake up and play drums – oh yes – orgasmic.As the light nights and fine days are coming in if anyone would require a game of football or a piss up give me a shout.Later folks.


Stacked Actors

This will be my third attempt at writing a blog.I totally have ran out of shit to rambell on about which must mean im incredibly boring or not that exciting,But at least ill fit right at home with all you fuckers!I beg you all please to post a bulletin thats more exciting than “i have 2 odd socks on” or “im going shopping next friday”Go out to play instead.
Everyone have a grand week?If your wondering i had a good week.I woke up on monday morning with the feeling that it was going to be different and since ive been up town practically every day it has indeed!Been to liquid twice – so thats double my intake.Anyone need a singer or a beginner drummer to start a band with?Let me know as im dying to jump back on the saddle and do something.
I hate my dogs.They are Bichon Frise – and if anyone dosent know what they are or what they look like just imagine a snowball with dicks and eyes.No matter if i have a day off or need to get up for work they wake me up every moring with ther shitey little yapping and the puddle of piss convienently parked outside my bedroom door.I came home from town one night,kicked off my shoes,took off my socks and went to turn on the corridor light.I then stood in a puddle of piss with my left foot – slammed into a freshly layed turd with my right and then fell and banged my head off the bathroom sink as i slipped in yet another pile of piss as i rushed to save myself from puking.They are indeed the worst dogs in the world.But of coarse they have small dog syndrome – they bite whoever comes into the house,who ever leaves the house,whoever looks at the house and whoever crosses the road outside my house.It dosent help that my dad lets them drink from his coffee cup,eat from his plate and rule the roost whenever they please.My dogs hate my and i hate them.Of coarse ill cry when they die but fuck – at least ill get a long lie on a sunday.Please – if youve been to my house,feel free to post your own “Crockers dogs”stories.Ill be more happy to pass on a kick for you.
I am currently lying in my brand new bed that i had to get.Had to sell my sofa and my tv to make room for my kit.But at least i can wake up and play drums – oh yes – orgasmic.As the light nights and fine days are coming in if anyone would require a game of football or a piss up give me a shout.Later folks.


Weanie Beanie

I dont feel funny,inspired or arsed writing a blog.Im tired,narcy just punched my dog for no reason.So i guess ill be going with the flow for then next 30 odd lines.Look out your windows guys – the snows back.I repeat the snows back.Lets not find love,save a whale or adopt a child over it.Its only snow – ignore it,stay indoors and itll be gone by the morning.Hopefully gone by the morning should i say as its more likey to be a grey mass of shit that kicks up at your face by then.
So whats everyones favourite drunk?Is it the lovable funny guy?The fucking arsehole that speaks to folk like shit but yet manages to get a ride every weekend?The shy quiet type that vomits on her lap without any notice?The 40 something slag with three kids out to “eat up” little boys such as myself?The 50 something drunk man that sings on the bus?Or the 14 year old flicky haired,pierced ear,elbow swinging poof with a smoking habit when someones looking and a different accent for every person they meet?
Id go for the latter – as this is the only time the snow comes in handy.See where im going?
But for pure shit and giggles – youd have to admire the happiness and courage or the 50 something man.They will sing and talk to anyone and the next time they do – dont ignore them.Listen up – you might just have a laugh or even learn something.
The general manners of some people in our city is really wrong.I think Aberdeen is the only place in the world that people…….
Wont Say thank you for opening a door
Wont Wait at least ten seconds for someone to get to the door(excluding the elderly as i presume everyone would)
Treat the city centre as one big club
Batter someone without warning
That being said i wouldnt change my home city for the world.The good always outnumbers the bad and the fact that i want to move away from here eventully,wont change the fact that im a proud Aberdonian and would never forget my roots.
Well ive been distracted by the apprentice for the past 5 minutes and feel greatly uninspired so i feel this blog is coming to an end.Your fired!
Adios.


Up In Arms

Arent girls lovely?No!They are the spawn of the devil – and dont you guys forget that.

I somehow seem inspired to write when ive had two hours sleep,look like a car crash and smell of coffee,work,and fags.Fuck man – coffee,fags and ermm……bagel.Oh yeah thats what dreams are made of.As its steak and blow job day soon i thought id celebrate by cooking a steak and watching someone else get a blow job.Ive developed a new thing called – no fear and – dont give a shit.Well ive always had these qualities about me but recently its sort of came out at every angle.I think this can only be a good thing as blowing off some steam is exactly what i need to do – im a stressed oot young lad i tell you.Why?i dont know – maybe its because working full time is a big pile of ding.And working for your dad has its benefits but for the most part – yip – working full time is a big pile of plop a dop.
Why are so much people obbsessed with snow?the last time i checked snow turned gay the minute you got pubes.Long gone are the days of snowmen,sledging and snowball fights.Now alll i give a fuck about is not getting my feet wet,wrescking my hair or falling on my arse infront of a bus stop full of people.Snow is not cool folks.Get over it.
I have recently purchased a shit hot drum kit in which i am very proud of – ill be a generic,bloc party esque drummer in not time folks so be on the look out for me in the not so distant future,tearing you all – a brand new arsehole.Problem is ill have to be a naked drummer as i cant move in my room anymore and cant gain acsess to my drawers.Nevermind – as long as i can wake up,play drums and play music – ill be a very happy man.As paul says “i give it a month untill your first complaint from your neighbours”wrong paul – i give it a week.
Well i no longer feel inspired to write anymore as im sitting on the worlds most uncomfiest chair upstairs as my laptop seems to have stopped working – again so ill have to love you and leave you – and remember folks – dont eat yellow snow – unless your a prick than be my guest – ill even provide the urine.

later


Rant

Ive came to the conclusion that you have a better night up town when your pulled well away from pishy exodus or moshulu.Exodus in particular – i have the odd great time when im there but mostly i cant stand the place but yet i seem to always go there.But to be honest i think the majority of my friends think the same but yet we still go.Its not the queing that does my head in as i know that for the most popular clubs – eg liquid,priory,o neils etc youll most likely freeze your balls off for twenty minutes to half an hour before you get to the door.Its the fact that youve wasted a good portion of the night – and the weekend never the less to be told to fuck off by some thick as shit bouncer with nothing better to do but over step his authority.I know not all bouncers are bad,and it takes someone with a good temperment,a sense of humour and a lot of percerverience to stand at a door all night and put up with cocky,poofy little students giving them greif.I do realise that i am a prime example on occasion – but its a damn shame when you see people not getting in on the bases that they dont like the look of them or “theyve had to much to drink”I saw a group of people last saturday not gainging entry on the basis they were causing trouble.Absloute shite – they were standing,in a good manner – following instructions in a blizzard – oh yes – a blizzard only be told to piss off.Its a bit of a farce.
Once your in though your night just gets better and better – wrestle to get to the bar to get a drink.Then turn away with your drink only to get it smashed against your chest and spilled over some girl because some fucking hooligan mink is to pissed to stand – not an apology,or an offer for a new drink.Just a laugh or be ignored.The music in general is a good mixture – and they cater for almost everyone.And youll have the best time on the dancefloor.I think its because its so close knit and theres nowhere to sit that “grinds my gears”
Plus im slightly claustrophobic,so if anyone climbs on my back or starts swaying me about your likely to get a look of utter disgust.
Was at Club Tropicana for the first time – its in no means a place id go regularly but what a good time youll have.A good night up town is determained by the people your with – how pissed you are – and the girls that are there.And of coarse the club you hit!Try coming out of your comfort zone and hitting else where – youd be suprised.
Of coarse this is my own opinion – by all means do what you like – just felt a rant coming on.

later


Sunday Surgery

Lying in bed at four in the afternoon on a sunday seems like a precious waste of time and in many ways it is in that you miss a whole day,become even more tired than you were before you went to bed and start to smell a bit funky.You want to force yourself into the kitchen,shower or where ever you desire but a boring 0 – 0 draw on a ford super sunday is enough to grab your attention for another two hours and secure your place in your bed/sofa on the most bizarre day of the week.
Its the only day that you will eat one soild meal – and your not even hungry for it.You read the papers – and your not really interested in them.You watch a film – and you dont even like it.But you do it week in and week out because it takes little or no energy and this is what sundays have been percieved as.A relaxing day where your hangover stretches all the way to monday morning.
I propose that instead of us all feeling sorry for ourselves knowing weve spent forty quid to much – knowing weve said something stupid to someone we like and knowing that we will do it all again next weekend – that we all do one thing that will make up for it.Go for a jog to burn off the excess bottles – Phone someone to make new ties – or even visit that relative that youve been promising to be doing for months.Bassically anything to make a day worthwhile.
When your still in bed and the dakness outside is creeping in – thats a tell tail sign that your day has gone.
But in argument to that lying about all day like a clinically obese American has its good points.At least your not spending even more hard earned cash.And you never know – you might just get a text from a complete random you met the night before who you cant remember giving your number to.But all in all sundays bare little suprizes.And the fact that you havent moved from the same spot all day makes the chances of one happening very slim.
The inspiration for this blog comes from myself – as its now 5 o clock and i am lying in my bed.And for the record the most uncomfiest bed in the world – i suppose im slightly bitter in that ive realised ive just wasted my whole sunday!I will soon jump in he shower,shove on a pair of jeans and stroll up to the shop to buy something easy to cook,something easy to read,and look out something easy to watch – i just wonder if ill do the same next sunday…..